01 July, 2014

Even if you know me well, you dont know this.

That I go by three names…in my head. Tuesday’s Child, Second Best and The New Girl.

Tuesdays Child.
I was born on a Tuesday.
And somewhere at some time, I either read it, or someone explained to me the meaning behind ‘Tuesdays child’. I have since tried to find it, google it, research it…but have never ever found it again. Which makes me wonder if I maybe just made it up. Either way , true or not, this is how it goes {in my head at least}:

Tuesday is that day, that is kind of nowhere, kind of not important, no one gives attention to it…kind of invisible. Monday, everyone hates. Wednesday is the ‘we are half way there!’ day. Thursday, is the day before Friday. And well Friday, Saturday and Sunday need no explanation. Tuesday is just kind of there, you don’t hate it, you don’t love it. Nothing to it, kind of like a ‘non kinda’ day.

Therefore a ‘Tuesday child’ is someone like that. Someone, who is just there, who doesn’t stand out, who is kind of invisible. Growing up, specifically in high school and varsity days, that’s how I felt…feeling like I was just there, no one noticing me. Not been the popular girl, not been the downright nerd. Just in the middle.

Second Best.
I think this is one we all relate too.
I remember being at school, and always just never been good enough. There was always someone prettier, cleverer, faster, funnier. It’s like I was never the best.

And then, as life happens…a boyfriend says that you aren’t good enough, you mess up at work, my body lets me down and we have to join the fertility journey.

All these things are just a reminder of always been ‘second best’…and I'm just not good enough.

The New Girl.
Now of all the names I have given myself…this is the one, that still rears its ugly head more often than the others.

It was 1986, I was 11 years old, and we had to leave our home and move to the big city. The worst thing to ever happen to my Sister and me.*

So of course I became the new girl at school, and even into high school, it always followed me around. Whenever I was introduced, or I was in a conversation , it somehow came up. Even today. At work, I have been at the same company {except for a two year break} since 1998! Yet, I still feel like ‘the new girl’ it’s the most bizarre feeling. I attended a blog workshop a few years back, and I remember realising that, I had started my blog before anyone there, yet I felt like I was the newby.

It’s funny how, something can stick with you and become so much a part of you.

This sounds like a very 'woe is me' kind of post, but it really isn't, its just the way I sometimes see myself. And that even age of 39, every now and again, something happens, that takes me right back to that little school girl who felt invisible, brand new and second best.

And that’s okay…

*Of course moving to the big city…did turn out to be the best thing ever…so I do apologise to the parents for being a whiney miserable eleven year old J
Posted as part of the @Writersbootcmp


mandimadeit said...

It is ridiculous how hard we are on ourselves.

Honestly, I am a terrible blogger, and have never been to your blog before, and I plan to fix that ASAP. BUT you are one of my favorite Instagrammers to follow. I love your creativity. You have an eye for beauty. And you capture it so well. Also the snippets of your home I've seen looks like a magazine shoot. Christmas mantle envy still in July.

I don't see you as second best at anything I've seen you do. You're awesome. Xxx

cat said...

Wow imagine - someone I think is beyond awesome thinks she is second best, not good enough. You are my friend - awesome that is!

Bo said...

You may think you're just a Tuesdays Girl but my day is made every day just because you're there Haylz! When you're not in the office, I'm lost. Even on days we don't get to go for tea, knowing you're there is enough. (I'm a Fridays Girl. Just saying)

Bailey Schneider said...

It's always fascinating for me to see how people see themselves (myself included) ... I have a very different view of myself in comparison to how others do and the fascinating part is that we always see ourselves far harsher, far more critically than how the outside world views us. Have you seen that Dove advert with the man who draws women how they describe themselves?? YouTube it if you haven't.
Obviously I've never met you, but the teeny tiny window of "you" I get to peer through, thanks to social media and your blog certainly doesn't show you as second best or Tuesday girl! I've always been drawn to you - in a non stalkery way - LOL!
So to cut a long/novel-like comment short...YOU'RE FANTASTIC!

Unknown said...

I think all women battle with this. I second the opinion of Bailey. I think you're lovely. I'm glad to hear you are trying for a baby. You commented on my blog post about older parents and I've always wondered how things were going for you.

Anonymous said...

Oh my word I loved reading this and it made me sad to think that this is how you see yourself. Yours is a blog that I literally click on everyday just to check if you have updated. Looking in from my computer I see you as a wonderful friend, sister, aunt, wife, daughter, co worker but most of all I see you as an incredible lady with the most amazing kind soul who also just happens to share her life with a good man and two totally ad-or-able dogs. I think you are fantastic.

Lynette Jacobs said...

I have a similar post sitting in drafts. "what defines you". Not quite ready to post it yet. It is amazing how easily we can allow stages in our lives to become defining moments.

Hayley said...

Thank you guys for the most awesome comments xxx

Mrs FF said...

You do know the nursery rhyme says Tuesday child is full of grace! Enough said

Wife of Space said...

Ok seriously - I am glad I am seeing you tomorrow for breakfast cause I need to klap you. Invisible, second best??? You clearly have no idea how amazing and awesome you are and how much I admire you. I guess I am going to have to slap you silly tomorrow until you see it. Love you!

kbd said...

Mrs FF is right! Here's the whole poem!

Mondays child is fair of face,
Tuesdays child is full of grace,
Wednesdays child is full of woe,
Thursdays child has far to go,
Fridays child is loving and giving,
Saturdays child works hard for his living,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.