29 September, 2015

'The scariest moment is always just before you start' - Stephen King


In three weeks time, I will be half way through my first day back at work, after five months of maternity leave. To say that emotions are running high...is a bit of an under statement - I just cried my eyes out all the way home from the shops - how the hell did five months go so quickly?

The thing is,..a part of me is super excited to get back to work, to get back to a routine, to get back into high heels for heaven sake! I love my job, I love the people I get to interact with all day...and I know that I need to work, for my own sake. But my gosh, how I am possibly going to leave my two little babies?

So right now, I'm trying to take it slow, trying to take in every little thing. But also trying to leave home a little more...just so that my heart gets used to leaving them.

I am also so very grateful.

So grateful to the company I work for. For allowing me the fully paid time off. To my team, who has had to put in extra time, pick up extra work load...and I am sure, all the balls I dropped - due to my pregnancy brain.

Grateful to have not only spent the time with my babies...but I've been able to spend time with friends. Quick breakfasts and coffee dates have been life saving at times.

Grateful to have friends and family who are literally down the road, and will be there at a drop of a hat in case we need anything.

But most importantly, I am so very grateful to have found a lady to take care of Harper and Jackson. Who already loves our babies. Who I know will look after them, like they are her own. Having her in our life has made me going back to work so much easier.

But, oh my hat...I am going to miss these two little humans.
This might be the hardest thing I do. But it's the right thing for me. For us.
I will be okay.

12 comments:

Sophia Allison said...

You got this, baby steps and it will feel like you have been doing it forever ♥

Hayley said...

Thanks Sophia xxx

Sophia said...

You got this, baby steps and you will feel like you have been doing this for like forever ♥

Gena said...

I know how you're feeling, in my own way. I was in your position in April, going back to work in May. But I also have a wonderful nanny whom I trust 100% with my babies, who loves them like her own, who takes care of them like her own. It made going back to work so much easier. One less thing to stress about!

But the time does fly by; my twins are 7.5 months old now - what the hell?! In a few short months I'll be planning their first party - I go into shock just thinking about it!

But my advise, not that it's been asked for, is to just take each day as it comes; you'll love being back at work because once your work day is over, you know that you get to go home to 2 precious people who can't wait for you to return. And their smiles and excitement at seeing you at the end of the day?

All worth it xx

Tara said...

Looonog time IG follower...not sure why I'm only getting round to the blog now!

The first day(s) suck. But it does get better. Glad you found someone lovely to look after them. Those surrogate mummies are worth their weight in gold!

Bailey Schneider said...

I think it's going to be amazing - you'll be amazing and so will the twins! Just one day at a time :)

Mrs FF said...

You will be just fine!!!

The Blessed Barrenness said...

Oh gosh.... the universal blog post of working mom's everywhere. I remember feeling exactly the same way when I returned to work. Heck, for the first week I was back, I sobbed every day to work and then whenever anyone asked after my children I'd simply burst into tears again.
But it does get easier and once you've settled into you new normal it gets a whole lot better!
(((hugs)))

Nocturnal Wenchy said...

I think most mom's can relate. It is heartbreaking and I promise you as a mom to many, this is not the hardest thing you will ever do.

Love your little family.

Lynette Jacobs said...

Oh my word Hayley...I feel for you. I was blessed to be a stay at home mom when my boys were little...and I wouldn't change it for the world. But life has changed and now you get superwomen like you that manage to juggle all the balls. Enjoy the last weeks with them and try to capture as many memories as possible.

cat said...

Oh Hayley - this was me almost 8 years ago. You will all be fine - they possibly more than you but you will be ok. It will get easier. There are always days when it is tough (today is one of those for me). But in general, it will be fine. Will think of you

The Clam said...

It will be hard, super hard. You will cry. But before you even know it, it will be your new normal and the weekends will be what you live for!

You took care of twins on your ace for over 4 months, you will handle this transition back to work like a pro!

xxx